It started with a kiss

The following are taken from entries made on genuine Child Support Agency Forms:

I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

Well, ironically for those of us who prioritised careers in our twenties conception is not always that straight forward. I heard some amazing measures to help conception, including internal application of egg white but no doubt a full moon fertility dance could be equally practical - I tried neither. The first advice the doctors gave me was to have sex, while seemed quite logical I had worked that one out too and had enjoyed the practice.

There are a few things considering, most boringly being strategic about the times of the months that unleash your passion and taking folic acid. Also cigarettes, alcohol, caffeine, stress and excess weight all reduce your fertility. Some vitamins and minerals as well as your folic acid are recommended - I mention this only as I was told that zinc is great for Dads-to-be as, in effect, it gives their sperm crash helmets; I am not sure about the advice but I love the image!

The thing that helped me was I was told to loose a stone (about 6 kilos) and when I did, miraculously the next month I conceived. Even if conception is not an issue it is quite sensible to get in shape before pregnancy and motherhood play havoc with your system.

Sensible? Well, lets just say that I prefer red wine and champagne to water and I am still not sure I can say the word moderation without getting a mild involuntary tic - but it is easy to be prepared then ignore the advice!

Lets think about pre-conception foods? Sushi, crisp salad with blue cheese, Parma ham and juicy peaches, fresh tuna marinated in sweet chilli sauce served with rice pasta and beans. Yes, gorge yourself on all those things that are forbidden during pregnancy and with the possible exception of the blue cheese all these are really healthy.

My Favourate Seafood Stew
Start by putting a few saffron threads in a small mug and pour over boiling water.
Finely chop and small onion.
Fry the onion until soft, then add a chunks of your favourate firm fleshed fish such as salmon or trout. Add the saffron and a pack of mixed seafood (the type that has prawns, mussels, squid or whatever) then stir in a large spoon creme fraiche.
Serve with steamed beans or whatever green veg in in season and some rice noodles.
Light a candle, slip on something comfortable and share with Father-to-be...